It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
