wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
