since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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