Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
