i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
