Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
third nipple confirmed
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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