I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
