Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
