oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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