Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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