Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
