i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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