What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
worst night to have a conscience
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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