You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
