just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
