is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
