just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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