If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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