How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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