Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
