guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
