It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
