Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
