Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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