She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
