You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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