i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
we made out on top of his cat.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
