My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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