Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
