Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
