It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
