She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
