also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
