i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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