Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
