i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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