where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
