she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
