woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
