Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
