I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
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at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
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I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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