I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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