I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
