I wish I could punch you in the face.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
