Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
