What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
