There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
