The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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