We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
