I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
