They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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