im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
