yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
