Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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