from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We're too hungover to prance.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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