also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
