GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize