Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
