Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
