Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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