I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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