My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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