I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
