Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
