Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
