i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
